Some background:
I've been depressed on and off since I was a teenager. When I turned 25, I experienced some periods of time where I had unusual amounts of energy and needed much less sleep than usual. Because of that, I got put on a long waiting list for an assessment with a specialist. After about 11 months, a lot of uncertainty and a few appointments, I got diagnosed with bipolar disorder on 27/10/23. I had to unlearn a lot of misinformation and stigma about the illness. It's still relatively new to me, and I'm working to find the right medication. Things are moving in the right direction! I want to share my experiences and create a little cosy space on the web for anyone who's interested or can relate.
Free time:
As of writing (24/03/24), I'm coming out of a depression and medication changes. I'm trying to relearn the basics and focus my free time on things that will improve my health.
Technology use:
I got a flip phone! I use it whenever a smartphone isn't 100% necessary. My screen time wasn't the highest I've seen - about 1 hour 45 mins each day excluding laptop use - but I found that I would open my phone for one thing and get distracted by all the notifications. I would google lots of pointless thoughts I had, and it didn't add anything to my life, it just cluttered my head. Plus, having reminders going off constantly was stressful. I switched to a paper to-do list and it feels like I'm more in control.
Climbing:
I started climbing on 26/03/23! And on 21/03/24, I tried lead climbing for the first time. Climbing is a really fun way to exercise in my opinion. It's hard because I feel more anxious about it when my mental health isn't so good, but generally it's a confidence booster because you have to rely on yourself to keep you and your friends safe. It ties into my feelings around technology too because when you get stuck on a problem, it's so specific that you can't google it. Instead you have to ask other climbers or try to work it out yourself. Scarcity of information makes things feel more fun and special. Finding out a tip for a route feels like finding fun secret information, the way I felt finding information in books as a kid before I spent so much time online and googling things.
Talking to people:
I hid my diagnosis from most people for months due to some bad experiences in the past. However, it went well with the couple of people I carefully chose to tell. After a while, I received a timely reminder that I can't control other people's reactions to things. Thinking of that helped me to decide that I wanted to live openly and share my diagnosis, and how other people react to it is a measure of themselves. I became more open about my diagnosis and luckily it's been met with understanding. I thought about how if my friends were going through something similar, I'd want to know so I could be there for them. My friends always share their worries with me, and it's something I'd never really done back, so I also decided to try letting people know when I'm struggling - something I've always hidden - and I was met with love and support. I feel very lucky. It's not easy for me to share my troubles, but I'm trying and getting better at it.